Corporate monkey:Match making Part 1

Disclaimer: For Pillayaar's sake, this story is fictitious . This is the story of Gopal Ranganathan aka "The corporate monkey" narrating it in first person.

I had the invite today to meet the Vishwanathans at Mylapore for breakfast, to get them acquainted to me. So here is the thing. The Vishwanathans found my shaadi.com profile to be the nearest match to their "Looking for a Tamil Brahmin, decent, well salaried boy from decent family" requirement. Frankly, while I found the requirement with the double 'decent' condition ridiculuous, I somehow liked the girl Padmaroopini Vishwanathan's plastic smile,inspite of her clearly seemeing uncomfortable before the camera. Her profile mentioned her as a fun loving, enthusiastic person with a positive outlook and that she worked for an IT firm (Heh, who does'nt work for an IT firm?). There was no other info or photo of her on her profile. Clearly her parents were operating her profile. I had received an interest from them a couple of days ago. Things moved fast and they had invited me over for breakfast just as a means for the family to get to know me.

Oh, yes . I am Gopal Ranganathan. A TamBrahm eligible bachelor staying at Triplicane ,Madras. My parents stay at Madurai and I came over to chennai for my livelihood 3 years ago. I am an archeologist and part time filmmaker. Oh, So you fell for that. I am just a routine software developer making my money writing java code, half stolen googling around the internet and half Ctrl+V'ing the existing code and renaming the variables. I am 27.895 years old and my secondary, just for fun,fake profile on shaadi.com goes something like this. "Tamil brahmin boy ,27 , fair and lovely , handsome ,earning a 5 digit salary with the left most digit being prime, seeks well educated, non ugly , working girl . Daughters of zamindars, industrialists, bollywood celebrities can also apply(Groom is willing to sit unemployed throught out life in that case)." 237 morons reported abuse on that profile. So I have to maintain a so-called decent profile of myself with my boring bio presented in Curriculum vitae format(including details of my wins at essay writing competitions featuring whole of 7th standard C section).

Oops,before I forget to mention, I am the monkey of the series " The Corporate monkey". Why am I called this? You will know .

It was 7 am which means I got up far too early from my usual waking time of 11.30 am . I had to meet Roopa Padmanathan's family ...err ... i meant Padma Roopnathan ... ok... whatever it was, I was still not fully awake and definitely not awake enough to remember the name. I switched on my laptop and logged into my gmail account. Logging into gmail and facebook after booting a pc comes involuntarily to you after a few months of employment. I noticed that I had 3400 unread emails. Here is the unwritten rule

if(number of emails in inbox> number of emails in spam)
{
System.out.println("Lame dude has subscribed to matrimonials or naukri.com/pornhub.com or all of the preceding");
}
I had created separate filters systematically on my mailbox. So it was classified the following way.
1.Tamil Matrimony
2.Kannada Matrimony
3. Pakistan dating online(Ya, I like their profile pics)
4. Naukri spam
5.Possible naukri non spam.

I went through 20 jeevansathi profiles and for pleasure sake checked out the profile of Hafza and Raheema from the Pak corner. It was around 8.20 am when I stopped wandering link after link after link. I had just enough time to be there by 9 am. So I took a quick shower, got myself dressed in my only set of ironed t-shirt and jeans, oiled my hair for the first time in 3 months and combed it in a dignified manner. I kick-started my bike and made my way through the grilling morning heat.


The city was already awake and bustling with activity. The auto drivers were plundering the roads early in the day with their subtle driving skills, wrong side driving, and the evergreen "vootla sollitu vandiya" yells( nearest translation is "Did you inform your kin before setting off from home ?"). I innovatively drove between two autodrivers , followed the chennai corporation garbage collection truck for 7 minutes without breathing and cleverly dodged a cab driver who was gifted with commonsense2.0 for opening the door to spit out beeda(paan) while he was on the drive.


It was around 8.50 am when I reached Mylapore . I started circling the Nehru colony's maze. It looked to me like I was inside a puzzle played by a clueless teenager. I had to ask the area iron-man(No,not the super-hero, the guy who presses the clothes) for the whereabouts of the address. He told me to take the third right after the second left near the house with the slanted cocunut tree. I thanked him and searched around the area driving. As I drove, I realized that ll of the houses had coconut trees and everything looked slanted to me. I bad mouthed iron man's parentage and dialled Mr.Vishwanathan's number sneaking my cell phone gently through my helmet and got the phone near my left ear. Vishwanathan gave me prominent understandable landmarks like street pumps, transformers and garbage cans which were on the way to his home.

I took the left to the urine-smelling transformer zone,the right next to the water pump which had created a puddle for mosquitoes to thrive in and took a lane opposite to the giant garbage can. I reached a yellowish pink home with the name Mr.Vishwanathan written on the outside wall and noticed that a crow had delicately decorated the 'i' and 's' of his name with its droppings. I parked my bike outside and headed off to the gate.

A white Pomeranian jumped out of nowhere catching me completely by surprise . Little did I then know that the dog would be the cause of all the evil that was to come by.


(To be continued...)


P.S: Require your views on this one. I will continue based on whether you guys like it or not.