6th standard B-part 3, The finale

Read part 1 here and part 2 here

Same Day,7.25pm, My Coimbatore residence

I was in a Do or Die situation. I was pondering hard over whether I should narrate the happenings of the day to my parents and fall into safe zone. With a hazy mixture of thoughts running all over my head, I could not concentrate on my evening dose of Cartoon network episodes comprising Centurion,Swat Kats,Mask and Johnny Bravo. I heard the sound of the Bajaj chetak, and I saw my father reached for the clamp holding the gate. I had a shallow feeling run through my stomach. I quickly changed the channel to NDTV and turned off the TV set(crime with no traces). I sprinted to my room, desperately searched for my bag and grabbed out the first textbook that I could pull out of my bag,which had notes and books crumpled as if it were the aftermath of a drunken pub brawl between the notebooks and the textbooks.



It was my Hindi book and I opened a random page and sat on my chair. The edges of the page were folded out of mishandling(which was called dog's ears) .Some other pages had missing edges, owing to my paper eating habits when I am bored. My dad came inside my room and leaned over from behind. I turned my neck to look at his face. "Did you work out Maths today?", he asked. "No dad. Yet to.", I replied with a pinch of hesitation. "Hmmm. Better start on Maths . If you are good in Maths, you will be successful in life. If you neglect Maths, life will neglect you and you will be begging in streets",he ended in a morbid tone and left the room. I imagined myself begging on the streets. I wanted to beg in foreign countries if I ever became a begger. I opened the Atlas and circled the list of countries where I would beg. 15 minutes of shortlisting and a late realization that Andaman is not a foreign country, I closed the Atlas and got off my chair.




I went to the dining room and decided to let out the truth. "I had a really bad day today at work. There was an audit issue in office",I overheard my dad talking to my mom over dinner. I summoned courage and muttered "Dad". "There is no salt in the Sambar", my dad said in a cribbing manner. Salt in the Sambar is a delicate South Indian male ego issue. He then turned to me and asked,"You wanted to say something". "Err...No. nothing.",I replied ."I have got something for you. Go check it out in my office bag". "Oh Great. It must be cup cakes. ",I thought and ran over to the bag. I opened the main zip and found lots of one sided paper with Syndicate bank letters on the other side. "Its for working out Maths", my dad said . "Great, enough paper to eat for a month",I grumbled to myself.

9 am,Neem tree,Shri Nehru Vidhyalaya

I called for a huddle amongst our suspended gang to discuss the plan of action before we met princi.

Pradeep(hanging along a branch): Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiiyaa Chaiiyaa chal Chaiiya Chaiiyya Chaiiyaa

Me: Look, We have to plan on something. Our principal 'Nut'(short for Natrajan) is going to 'screw us today.

Sundar: Nut and screw , He He.Nice hardware joke.

Me *snapping Sundar*:Should we forfeit and accept that we all did it.?

Amit: No, That way we all have to bring our parents to school. I don't want to do that.

Sandeep: Amit is right only da. They always threaten like this. But they don't take any action. We will just remain silent and not reply.

Sundar: For how long?? At some point we have to speak only no.

Kuldeep: Hey, Two ants were having lunch on a tree. An elephant jolted towards the tree and one of the ants fell on the elephant. What did the other ant say?

Me: Kuldeep!!!, Shut up!!! Talk serious.

Sundar : I am going to testify and convict Pradeep. Why should all of us get caught, when he has done the wrong thing? I even did'nt know madher**** was a bad word.


PRadeep: No, You wont tell on me to the principal.

Sundar : I will.

Pradeep: I am going to slap you.

Sundar: I am going to....errr... I am going to complain to my mother today evening.


Sandeep: Sundar, You will not speak anything there.


Pradeep turned over to me and said "I think I am going to be conceived by Sundar today." "Did you mean 'deceived today'?",I responded abruptly in 0.07 seconds, emulating what Google made into a feature in a few years. Sundar said in a baleful tone "Pradeep deserves this. He did wrong. He will be punished today and also god will poke his eyes." It was getting serious. God poking our eyes was not as funny as poking your friends on facebook these days. Pradeep tighented the bangle around his arm and said,"Oh , you are cursing me now! Come da, lets teach him a lesson.". I was angry too and the prospect of punishing Sundar was tempting me. Sandeep and Kuldeep joined in. We formed a circle around Sundar. Pradeep slowly lifted his arm giving himself a suitable buildup. I did the same. The deeps followed suit.


We all raised our arm and converged on Sundar. Pradeep and I started tickling him in his stomach. Sandeep,Kuldeep and Amit divided the area of sundar's armpits amongst themselves and started tickling him there. "Guhahaha Guhahaha Guhahaha",Sundar laughed like a monster periodically taking breaths and exuding phlegm through his nose. We continued for 2 minutes non stop, till his laughter turned into hiccups. Sundar screamed,"Ok, I wont. I wont. I wont tell that Pradeep did it.". Pradeep clasped his hands and said,"Enough, we have taught him a lesson".We all walked away from the scene of action.

Kuldeep suddenly said,"The answer is ,the other ant shouted,'Come on, stamp and kill that fat rascal.'". It took us 10 seconds to co-relate what he said. There was a huge eruption of noise,"Guhahaha Guhahaha" and we were all rolling on the floor laughing(abbreviated to ROFL post the instant messaging era.)

10.15 am,Principal's room,

Princi was sunk into a set of green coloured papers. He looked into his papers and asked with sheer contempt at us,"So who amongst you placed the safety pin on the teacher's chair?". We looked at each other. He had forgotten what we were here for. This meant that we could have escaped even if we had not even appeared today. And man, What was he doing with all these investigations, Was he the principal of a school or chief of Crime Branch?

Pradeep replied,"Sir, we are from the bad words group". "Excellent articulation of thoughts. He could'nt get a better name. Urgh, the bad word group",I thought to myself.Princi asked trying to recollect," What bad word?" . Sandeep instantly said,"madher**** sir". I could not believe what happened there. Sandeep had just spoken an abusive word inside principal's room. Pradeep realized this as a rare opportunity to speak abuse at this room and he also joined in repeating,"madher**** sir". Princi gave us all a stern look and said,"Hmmm, the bad word group, Are you?. I am not letting you go today. Who wrote the bad word on the board?"

We were all prepared for this . All of us stayed silent. Sundar kept his finger on his lips and I slapped his hand for that. The deeps gave him a casual look. For them visiting the Principal room was like going for a carnival. Just another adventure in their eventful schooling life. "The bad word was written by whom?", princi asked us again. Changing the question to passive voice had no effect on us and we all maintained our silence. "hmmm, Gangster unity ,eh!". He pointed at me and said,"Come sit next to me in this chair.".

My heart was pounding. I walked slowly towards his chair. Images of begging in India went past my eyes. I was partly worried that I did not even have a plate with me to beg when I walk out of school. I grabbed the chair and sat next to him. Princi said,"This is the TC form. I am going to fill it for you . Everyday I am going to give Tc to one of you until you admit. I will personally fill up this form . Take it to your parents and bring it to me the next day." Kuldeep asked,"Sir, But tommorow is Saturday. It is leave, no sir." .Principal replied in irritation to this logical query,"Next working day I meant.".

Princi asked looking directly into my eye,"Your name??". I replied,"Sir,please sir". Princi mocked,"Oh, is that your name?". Pradeep found it funny and grinned. I was devastated . I stayed silent. Tears rolled out of my eyes. A slideshow of me begging the streets of some town in Himachal Pradesh kept rolling around me. I did not want to get TC and become a begger. My ambition was to become the colony barber. I liked to see barbers cut hair and shave people's cheeks. I could not let this ruin my hairy ambitions. I looked at at my friends. Everyone looked at me intently. Sandeep and kuldeep were trying to tuck out each others shirts from their pants. Sundar looked like he had to pee. Pradeep gave me a grin and winked at me.


I blurted out unable to control myself and burst out saying,"Saaar,It was Pradeep sir. He only writing it on the boaard saar". Emotions and tears choked my voice and vocabulary. Princi got up and clapped for 10 seconds. He was probably applauding himself for the breakthrough discovery . I got up still sobbing. "Everybody except Pradeep leave this room now",princi announced. We all walked out. Nobody spoke anything . I was ashamed of myself. Even Sundar seemed a better human being than me now.

It was two days after the incident and Pradeep had not spoken a word. I was relieved though that he did not tickle and punish me. Pradeep's parents met the principal and they were given some warning and stuff. I tried to apologize to Pradeep in the bathroom , but he just walked away without washing his hands.

No, I did not save Pradeep from a burning building or his family from a car accident for him to forgive me. All it took was one week for Pradeep to forgive me . I got 1 rupee pepsi for him for the next 10 days along with Alpenliebe(called Applensialable by him.)


October 1998,Mrs.Pandian's class.

Mrs.Pandian was patiently drawing a cactus on the board. We, 'The bad word boys' were seated on a single row. We all held the next person's hands waiting in despair. And then, suddenly everyone turned their head around looking outside the window. The noise of a 5000 wala from the bathroom disrupted the entire school. "Dam Dhoom Bus , padaal damaal",the deeps made noise in tune with the 5000 wala. Kuldeep inapprropiately joined in with the "Dhiskoom Dhiskoo Dhishkoom" sound.


12 years later.

Amit S, is a respectable Software developer keen in technology. He works in a company whose name is the anagram of the acronym of "Men In Black". He makes free time at work and during his free time at home writes apps for Chinese DVD players and cell phones which come with no warranty. He blogs here.


Sundar is a fictitious character formed out of all the Dorks you see in school life.

Deep brothers are wonderful people ,really genuine at heart. They now own a computer hardware store called Arihant computers. They give 'yours truly' a big discount on PC hardware. In case you want to buy hardware at Coimbatore , I will refer you to Arihant computers. Beware of bad words or unanticipated ticking during the conversation with them though . :)

Yours truly is also a software developer and also presumes he can write. He serves a huge fanbase on the blogosphere comprosing of 5 regular readers(incuding himself thrice) and others who land up on this blog searching for porn(Blame it on that google thingy).

"All is well"

*The End*

Disclaimer: 40% truth 60% fiction. Many school friends are reading this post(analytics says so) and this post is not meant to offend anyone at school including students and teachers.

P.S:

There is a like button is there now. :)

Next planned is a series of corporate mockery.

My gratitude to those who read my posts and give me great opinions . The 5 hours I put behind each post seems worth it when I get reader opinion(both positive and negative).

Ok, I know what you are thinking. I ll cut the crap in the P.S section henceforth.

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6th standard B- Part 2, Inside Princi's room

Click to Read Part 1

Disclaimer: For the record, The story is 40% true and rest fiction. Hope that clears it all.

"Dei Amit, thats a bad word ,no da", I asked Amit in a hushed tone. "Yes,definitely it is", Amit said still looking at the board in horror. "Pradeep, rub it da.", I screamed at him ,while he was still decorating the abusive word with a dotted underline . To my horror Miss. Jayanthi,who was walking past the corridor heard my scream and came over to the class. She peeped inside shouting"Whats the noise? Pin drop silence everyone.". We all became still like somebody had said "Statue" to us. Miss.Jayanthi shared baleful glances at me,the deep brothers,amit and Sundar who was standing beside us. She went out of the class without uttering a single word. My heart was still pounding. I kept my hand on my heart and felt it for a moment.

Lunch break was over. The board was rubbed, the bad word gone and replaced by the ovals of set language.Yes,it was maths class. Miss. RamaLakshmi, playfully called Jill Jill Ramamani by us, was teaching us the simplest book examples and writing them on the board,none of which I listened to. I knew there was some impending danger. The biggest problem was that I did not know the meaning of the bad word.Somehow I felt the quantum of punishment would be proprortional to the profanity of the word. Suddenly, there was a disruption in the class. The office boy stepped into the class. Everybody usually heaves a sigh of relief when the office boy comes along, and the teacher reads us some notice about some holiday , Saturday timetable or sports day practise , thereby giving us a much wanted break from the monotony of the class. But this time it was bad news. "Sendeeb, bradeeb, kuldeeb, nerasimhen,amit, sunder. You are wanded at the principel office", Said Jill Jill in typical Mallu accent.


"Shit. I did not do anything. Why should I be punished?" , said Sunder, walking vigourously outside the principal's office. It was a huge office room with low hanging fans ,with ladies sipping tea and doing some monotonous and relentless typing.They were looking both dull and sick with not an inch of enthusiasm on their face. The wall had a few framed photos. One of the men in the frame had a moustache and wore a turban .He looked like a perfect man to be photographed to promote Rajasthan tourism. The next photo was that of a Sardarji who was smiling. I started mentally picturing him in all of the Sardarji jokes I knew. And next to that was the picture of Nehru and Nelson Mandela. The founders thought that putting their photos next to famous people made them seem like world leaders.

"I am going to tell the truth, the deeps did that. They need to be punished " said Sunder. "No . Dont say anything . Nothing will happen", I said trying to reaffirm him. Aarthi our class leader walked into the office room with a huge pile of arithmetic notes. She stopped beside us , looked at me and said,"Say Principal sorry. Only that will save you" and walked past us keeping the notes on the nearby table. Amit said," I think we should write a letter saying we are sorry. That will save us.". "Good idea", sunder seconded. I went forward and asked Aarthi for some paper. She took her Arithmetic note(we used to write landscaped on Arithmetic notes, because each step was long for equations).I noticed a ninja sticker on the front and "Arithamatics" written on it. She gently tore the middle page,seperated it from the thread holding it and gave it to me. "Its arithmetic not arithamatics",I said in an attempt to correct the typo(or rather writo). She gave a dirty look.


"Ok, So amit you write the letter", I said and handed over the paper to him. Amit readily took out his '35 rupees new hero pen' and tried to make a start. He wrote in big letters "Apologization letter" and double underlined it with a pillayar suzhi at the top. "Its for luck", Amit said . "Oh ok . Apply some turmeric along the sides of the sorry letter too",I replied in 6th standard sarcasm. Amit did not budge at that and asked," Should From address come first or to address". I was'nt too sure. Sunder replied,"its from address". The deeps said in unison, "Its to address da. ". "Ok, 3 hands in favour of to address first and 1 in favour of from address first. So to address first wins",I announced the results of my democratic and fair address selection process. Amit continued writing vigorously and stopped only after 5 minutes .I then took the sheet from him and looked at it. His writing was slanted to the left and looked like the big rice grains you get to see in Kerala meals. The letter looked something like this.

Apologization letter

To,

Principal sir,

Principal office,

1st floor, near office room,

Nehru Vidhyalaya,

coimbatore.

TN-641007

From,

6th standard B,

ground floor(near corridor aquarium),

Nehru vidhyala,

coimbatore.
TN-641007

Respected Principal sir,

We are writing this to say sorry about the bad word incident accident. We would to like to apogolise apologify apologise on the accident. We dont know who commited the crime, by god promise .We even dont know the meaning of the bad word. We also have no link to bathroom bomb blast last diwali. Hence we request you to kindly grant us leave forget and forgive us on this.

Your respectfully obiedent obidient students of 6th B,

(signed with a signature saying 6th B students)

Date:18-09-1998

Place:Nehru Vidhyalaya,Coimbatore

"Perfect.", said Kuldeep also peeping in at the letter. Sundar then looked at it and said "You will get only 3 marks for this". Sandeep and Pradeep were busy pulling the chained tumbler at the water filter at the corner of the room. "This is so stupid . Why did you mention about the bathroom bomb incident. This is the worst letter ever.", I yelled at Amit. He fired back,"Oh, if you were so clever why dont you write the apogolization letter". I wanted to call him a dog and cleverly divert the argument, but the office anna came and summoned us"Ulla vaa."(Come the hell inside).

Our principal Mr.Natrajan was looking busy . He had bunch of papers on his table. He signed them one by one and stamped a few of them. I had a sudden desire to become a principal and sit inside a room like that. He then licked his fingers with his tongue and turned the pages. Not for once did he even glance at us. His table had a beautiful paper transparent paper weight with shiny red stuff in it, which looked tempting enough to steal. I looked at his clock, his set of pens on the table, his unshaved stub on his face, the wooden deer with horns, hanging on the wall. It was 5 minutes since we went inside the room and he still did not even acknowledge our presence. I wanted to bring the typewriter from outside with the help of pradeep and throw it at him. "Why is he making us stand this much?", Sunder asked me in whispers. "He thinks we have Piles", I replied in a fit. Sundar gave out a laughter bursting like an empty tap blowing out air, inturn spraying spit of my right cheek. I wiped it with my shirt.

Princi gave me a menacing look through his specs. He finally got up and for some reason I was not scared at all."Do I look funny to you", he put a general question to all of us. I wanted to say Yes, but I did'nt. He walked along the side of his chair and went near the window,looked outside and asked,"So who did it?". Frankly we all thought he was speaking to somebody outside the window and we did not respond. He waited for 15 seconds ,turned towards us, looked at me specifically and shouted "Who did it ? Who wrote that word. Tell the truth, you young fellow with spectacles"and thumped his table. His pen stand fell down from the table making him feel slightly embarassed and deep brothers chuckled on that. In the meantime I removed my glasses. Princi picked up the pens and looked back at us. Nobody had glasses anymore. He looked bewildered for a moment.

"Dont waste my time and in turn your time. You know the consequences will be severe. Its better you tell the truth about who did it.",He said threatening us. Amit kept his hand in his pocket trying to get his 'Shakespearean Sorry letter' . I resisted and held his arm tight. Everybody was silent and Princi went about walking around the room . He restarted,"So looks like you chaps want to learn things the hard way. I ll tell you what I am going to do. Either you tell me the truth within a day, or you are suspended for a week and I get to meet your parents to tell them about this. Take your decision."

The three of us walked out of the principal room and moved towards the stairs. Sundar said,"Look what happened. If my appa knew, he will beat me with a belt. Why should I get beatings for what I have not done". Amit looked at me and said,"See, Thats why you should have submitted my letter.". I replied,"Oh yes Mark Twain!, your letter would have had him all wound up with your beautiful words. Lets talk about the real problem here". The deep brothers looked free from worry . "chalo, leave it. These people will just threaten. Nothing will happen. Remember what happened during the diwali bomb blast? Nobody can do anything",said Pradeep walking alongside me. Sandeep nodded along, he had stolen the paperweight and was playing with it. Kuldeep was walking with us gazing at a tree. Kuldeep suddenly asked out of the blue"How do we find out if that bird is a Koel or Cuckoo?". I thumped him hard on his ribs for that.

Tell the truth or get caught at home and get a week's dose? I was in a fix. I wished I could go 10 years forward in time where I had my own money and I could run out of home .

To be continued...

P.S: Thanks for the kind words as always. :).

Also, thanks Dinesh for making that pic. :)

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