Greetings. Howdy? First of all, sorry for the fact that your company has posted you to Chennai(chinnai mein posting hai saala, as you say it to your friend on phone) and that you are forced to be here for the heck of earning money. But Chennai is not that bad a place as you presume it to be. I am saddened that you have such a bad impression on Chennai. Ok, I agree the place is hot and the girls are not. I know your mother is sad that you looked as healthy as Rishi Kapoor when you left for Chennai and came back looking as skinny as Ranbir Kapoor . I am amused when you order "Butter Chickaan" at Saravana bhavan and get astounded when you see that there is an item called "14 idlis " on the menu card. I understand your curiosity when you ask if mini idlis have holes in them likes polo, and when you wonder what fried Vada has got to do with the place called VadaPalani.
While I know you have not been liking Chennai and making jokes like these.
Tamilian:Tamil teri ma.
Sardar: Punjabi tera baap.
to which RajniKanth made a reply joke
Seth: Kaun hai
Rajni: Boss da , kenae(fool).
Enough is enough and lets all make peace with each other. There are ways to make life easier at Chennai. As a socially,morally, politically and environmentally responsible blogger and an undercover superhero, I will henceforth write a series of informative essays for you to convinience your stay at Chennai and remove any inhibitions of this place that you have and also help good relations between North and South.
The reason why Chennai does not suit you is the fact that people here do not know Hindi as such. The little Hindi we know include "hindi nahi maalum" and "Hum aapke hain kaun". We also use "Kuch Kuch sabji hota hai", when we want extra sabji at the Bihari chat stall. However if you bank on that and try talking to a layman in Chennai , he may only be able to sing "Choli ke peeche kya hai", in response to your hindi rattling. Hence learn the basics of Tamil . Atleast ones like "Taaamil teriyadhu" and"Kunjum Kunjum".
Geography,History and Zoology of South India
Unlike popular belief at your place that anything under Maharashtra is called Madras and people hence are Madrasis, the south is divided into 4 states- TamilNadu,Karnataka,Kerala and Andhra Pradesh. TamilNadu was the place Idlis were invented and great scholars like Sir.C.V.Raman and Ramanujam hail from. Karnataka shares a border with TamilNadu and both these states fight over river Cauvery. Karnataka is a sweet state and adds jaggery to anything that is edible. Kerala meanwhile, is a tourist place and this is where Coconuts come from . Also known for its high literacy and youtube relevance for hot videos, Kerala needs no more introduction. Andhra is where andhra meals come from and where Gongura chutney and Gun powder(not an explosive) were invented. Andhra involves a significant contribution to IITs and Microsoft(do a search at Microsoft and who knows, even Steve Balmer may have been from Nellore or Golconda).
The 4 different languages spoken are Tamil,Telugu,Malayalam and Kannada. A brief example on how these languages differ from one another. Take a sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog". Lets now translate that into all the languages.
Telugu
"The quick brown fox gaaru jumped over the lazy dog loo". (*Not that loo)
Malayam
"The quick brown foox jembed, jembed and jembed over the lazy doog. Then it realized it was a strike as usual at Kerala and it stopped jembing. Finally it wend to gelf for embloymend."
Kannada
"The huick hrown hox had Mysore masala dosa and humped over the lazy hog. One and half meter charge for humping after 8.30 pm.
Chennai Tamil
"The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog after the morning idly and filter coffee. The lazy dog shouted "Kaide, Kasmaalam. Voottaanda solltu vanttiya"(Tamil version of WTF)."
Ok, Now that you are familiar with the South., let us move our focus back to Chennai's vitals now.
Transportation
Long ago a war was being waged between Deceptons and Auto-bots on the planet of Cybertron. The Auto-bots hid in earth at the eastern coastal city of Chennai since 1960s and were being generally driven by impolite gentlemen. The Autobots are known for their reckless driving and abusive words. Known for mercilessly taking cuts,turns and U-turns at inappropriate locations and charging a sum that amounts to a hijack ransom, the Auto-bots turned pretty notorious and gained bad reputation over time. Evolution kicked in and share-autobots came into picture, which have a deceptively large seating capacity and charged pretty less. Together they are the Transformers. But because an average drunk Indian perceives a Transformer to be a peeing zone, they are too scared to transform themselves at night.
Ok, spoof apart. I know how much you go through the auto menace especially if you are Northy and do not know Tamil. The driver would say that reaching Adyar from the Railway station consists of a sequence of one-ways and the shortest route is via Pondicherry . And then you sell off your mansion in Patiala to pay for the Auto. However once you are acclamatized to the routes , travelling by bus and share autos becomes a routine for you and travelling should not be a hassle.
Climate
Well, as the old adage goes, Cows give out milk powder and hens lay Omlette in chennai. You need to bathe twice in Chennai generally to keep off the sweat. IT companies see a surge in number of people working overtime and on weekends during summer for the sole purpose of air-conditioning. Drainage leaks and low lying zones make the rainy season worse too.
Intersection with the North
Though relations have been strained between the North and South over a prolonged period, things are getting better now. Cultural ties have been getting better since Sridevi danced in the rain with Anil Kapoor in Mr.India,later marrying Boney Kapoor and since HemaMalini married Dharmendra. Out of market actresses from North India have made a mark in the Tamil film industry. In our movies, most of them fall in love with a mechanic who hails from a village and comes to Chennai to avenge his evil uncle and his son, for his father's death(shown in a flashback, visuals all negative).
Kushboo, Simran and Jyotika to name are a few of the pioneers who made a mark in the industry so far. Kushboo even has a variety of idly named after her and the legal process is on to prefix Tamanna before Idiyyapam. Most of them marry and settle down here bridging ties further. Few years ,2 kids and a divorce later, all of them act as the protagonist,bold, oppressed female in Mega serials spanning 8 to 10 years.
Food
Ok, again you might have known how popular Saravana Bhavan is to the food supply chain of Chennai. Saravana Bhavan is Chennai's most popular restaurant and has 20 plus branches in Chennai and branches across Dybai,Abu Dabhi, Chicago,Alaska,North Pole, Moon and Mars. Rumours are that Neil Armstrong had 7 taste Utthapam at Sarvana Bhavan after landing at the moon and then he washed his hands at the basin which said 'Please dont comb hair in front of mirror'. There is a conspiracy theory video which shows that if you listen intently, you can overhear "Saarrukku oru barotta parcel(one parotta parcel for sir)" when Neil said "One step for man and a giant leap for mankind".
A few scientific principles that might help you avoid a surprise at a South Indian restaurant.
Click to read fully!
I noticed that the wikipedia page is boring and less informative. Hence here is Virtualjunk's Aloo-Tikkipedia page on Chennai.
The reason why Chennai does not suit you is the fact that people here do not know Hindi as such. The little Hindi we know include "hindi nahi maalum" and "Hum aapke hain kaun". We also use "Kuch Kuch sabji hota hai", when we want extra sabji at the Bihari chat stall. However if you bank on that and try talking to a layman in Chennai , he may only be able to sing "Choli ke peeche kya hai", in response to your hindi rattling. Hence learn the basics of Tamil . Atleast ones like "Taaamil teriyadhu" and"Kunjum Kunjum".
Geography,History and Zoology of South India
Unlike popular belief at your place that anything under Maharashtra is called Madras and people hence are Madrasis, the south is divided into 4 states- TamilNadu,Karnataka,Kerala and Andhra Pradesh. TamilNadu was the place Idlis were invented and great scholars like Sir.C.V.Raman and Ramanujam hail from. Karnataka shares a border with TamilNadu and both these states fight over river Cauvery. Karnataka is a sweet state and adds jaggery to anything that is edible. Kerala meanwhile, is a tourist place and this is where Coconuts come from . Also known for its high literacy and youtube relevance for hot videos, Kerala needs no more introduction. Andhra is where andhra meals come from and where Gongura chutney and Gun powder(not an explosive) were invented. Andhra involves a significant contribution to IITs and Microsoft(do a search at Microsoft and who knows, even Steve Balmer may have been from Nellore or Golconda).
The 4 different languages spoken are Tamil,Telugu,Malayalam and Kannada. A brief example on how these languages differ from one another. Take a sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog". Lets now translate that into all the languages.
Telugu
"The quick brown fox gaaru jumped over the lazy dog loo". (*Not that loo)
Malayam
"The quick brown foox jembed, jembed and jembed over the lazy doog. Then it realized it was a strike as usual at Kerala and it stopped jembing. Finally it wend to gelf for embloymend."
Kannada
"The huick hrown hox had Mysore masala dosa and humped over the lazy hog. One and half meter charge for humping after 8.30 pm.
Chennai Tamil
"The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog after the morning idly and filter coffee. The lazy dog shouted "Kaide, Kasmaalam. Voottaanda solltu vanttiya"(Tamil version of WTF)."
Ok, Now that you are familiar with the South., let us move our focus back to Chennai's vitals now.
Transportation
Long ago a war was being waged between Deceptons and Auto-bots on the planet of Cybertron. The Auto-bots hid in earth at the eastern coastal city of Chennai since 1960s and were being generally driven by impolite gentlemen. The Autobots are known for their reckless driving and abusive words. Known for mercilessly taking cuts,turns and U-turns at inappropriate locations and charging a sum that amounts to a hijack ransom, the Auto-bots turned pretty notorious and gained bad reputation over time. Evolution kicked in and share-autobots came into picture, which have a deceptively large seating capacity and charged pretty less. Together they are the Transformers. But because an average drunk Indian perceives a Transformer to be a peeing zone, they are too scared to transform themselves at night.
Ok, spoof apart. I know how much you go through the auto menace especially if you are Northy and do not know Tamil. The driver would say that reaching Adyar from the Railway station consists of a sequence of one-ways and the shortest route is via Pondicherry . And then you sell off your mansion in Patiala to pay for the Auto. However once you are acclamatized to the routes , travelling by bus and share autos becomes a routine for you and travelling should not be a hassle.
Climate
Well, as the old adage goes, Cows give out milk powder and hens lay Omlette in chennai. You need to bathe twice in Chennai generally to keep off the sweat. IT companies see a surge in number of people working overtime and on weekends during summer for the sole purpose of air-conditioning. Drainage leaks and low lying zones make the rainy season worse too.
Intersection with the North
Though relations have been strained between the North and South over a prolonged period, things are getting better now. Cultural ties have been getting better since Sridevi danced in the rain with Anil Kapoor in Mr.India,later marrying Boney Kapoor and since HemaMalini married Dharmendra. Out of market actresses from North India have made a mark in the Tamil film industry. In our movies, most of them fall in love with a mechanic who hails from a village and comes to Chennai to avenge his evil uncle and his son, for his father's death(shown in a flashback, visuals all negative).
Kushboo, Simran and Jyotika to name are a few of the pioneers who made a mark in the industry so far. Kushboo even has a variety of idly named after her and the legal process is on to prefix Tamanna before Idiyyapam. Most of them marry and settle down here bridging ties further. Few years ,2 kids and a divorce later, all of them act as the protagonist,bold, oppressed female in Mega serials spanning 8 to 10 years.
Food
Ok, again you might have known how popular Saravana Bhavan is to the food supply chain of Chennai. Saravana Bhavan is Chennai's most popular restaurant and has 20 plus branches in Chennai and branches across Dybai,Abu Dabhi, Chicago,Alaska,North Pole, Moon and Mars. Rumours are that Neil Armstrong had 7 taste Utthapam at Sarvana Bhavan after landing at the moon and then he washed his hands at the basin which said 'Please dont comb hair in front of mirror'. There is a conspiracy theory video which shows that if you listen intently, you can overhear "Saarrukku oru barotta parcel(one parotta parcel for sir)" when Neil said "One step for man and a giant leap for mankind".
A few scientific principles that might help you avoid a surprise at a South Indian restaurant.
Lemma 2.1
Chappathi of chennai = Plain paratha of North India.
Lemma 2.1.1
Parotta of Chennai != Paratha of North india.
Lemma 2.1.(1.5)
Mini idlies do not have a hole in them.
Lemma 2.2
SaravanaBhavan=Pure Veg hotel,no Butter Chicken.
(To be continued. ..)
(To be continued. ..)
P.S: Thanks for the great response to the IRCTc post. Also, Complaints that my posts are PG-13, sorry for that. Will write better henceforth so that you can read it with your family and kids.
